In this work we propose a novel campaign for constraining relativistically compact MACHO dark matter, such as primordial black holes (PBHs), using the moon as a detector. PBHs of about $10^{19} \textrm{ g}$ to $10^{22} \textrm{ g}$ may be sufficiently abundant to have collided with the moon in the history of the solar system. We show that the crater profiles of a PBH collision differ from traditional impactors and may be detectable in high resolution lunar surface scans now available. Any candidates may serve as sites for in situ measurements to identify high pressure phases of matter which may have formed near the PBH during the encounter. While we primarily consider PBH dark matter, the discussion generalises to the entire family of MACHO candidates with relativistic compactness.